Juror # 23

Monday sent me to jury duty up in McKinney. Pretty much everyone who works up there has a heavy Texas accent. Before I rant about how stupid everyone was, I must first shine the light on my own gaff. I had gone to jury duty before, so I knew where the McKinney courthouse was, and even where to park for the best access. So without looking at the map they mailed me, I drove up to where I'd always gone before. I walk up hand the clerk my summons and;


'Okay this is the wrong color, we gave you a map'
She holds up the map that clearly directs me to McKinney's other courthouse.

I said nothing, what could I say? The fact is I made assumptions that were wrong, and I didn't feel like explaining my misguided thought process (or lack there of) I was early and the correct building is only blocks away so we are in no danger of being arrested yet.

Arriving at the correct courthouse with only a couple minutes to spare I was relieved to hand in my sheet on time. You come in and there are a sea of chairs all facing two tvs that play CNN. (given this is Texas, I'm surprised it wasn't on Fox news) Well since it's getting a bit late, most of the chairs look full to me. So I decide to stand with about five other people who chose not to brave the crowded seats.


'Okay we can't have people standing in here -bitched the self important clerk

'Everyone needs to be in a seat'

So I squeezed down a row, and sat next to a cartoonish little man. The seats are tiny, and totally violate my personal space issues.

Everyone who addresses you in these settings is so effing self-important, they bigtime you at every turn.


'Good Morning, my name is Melinda, and I'm the blah blah blah here in McKinney

At this point the phone rings, and she has to stop to go answer it. It was at this point that I learned the little man next to me had a high squeaky voice.

'you'd think they'd have someone available to answer the phone'- he squeaked

She came back and finishes her little speech which meant nothing to anyone. Then she says "I'm gonna turn the TV back on while I go do my computer work'

'Computer work? squeaked the man
I kinda giggled at that as well.

Next we get a judge telling us about exemption options (this is annoying because most of them appear on your questionnaire, and if you want to opt out do it then, not on our time) he continues;

'Thank you for being here, we realize it's compulsory, but we do appreciate you being here, in Collin county over 90% of people show up. You can be sure that those who do not will have consequences'

Just by chance at this moment I looked at two bailiffs standing by the door, and I see them rolling their eyes like 'yeah right' This made me feel like maybe I should've skipped out.


The self important clerk returns to tell us that this week is very busy and indeed involves double docket and extra judges brought in to help, so our chances of being sent home are slim. She then explains that she needs to find a certain bailiff before we can continue.

'I can't believe they don't know where anyone is' said the man

By this time it's getting pretty hot in the waiting room.

'Can't they turn up the ac-wondered the little man


Bailiffs begin calling names out to take you to various courts, and not getting called seems to be the best thing that can happen.
I survive the first few calls, but then finally a bailiff calls my name, well sort of anyway.

'Robert Mit-ner'

Okay many of you would correct him right away, and you would be right to do so, but I prefer for whatever reason to lay low, plus I was half thinking I could use it as a loophole to be let go.

He gets us in the hall, and asks us to stand around a wait ten minutes. When he returns, 20 minutes later he has to call roll again to ensure no one has walked off.

'Robert Mit-ner?
Erm here

We are escorted down the hall to the courtroom we will serve in, and asked once again to wait around in the hall. He returns a few minutes later and;

Robert Mit-ner
Here!

Three times! WFT? at this point I'm thinking about busting his balls, but he's armed.

'dude has it ever snowed in Texas in the Wit-ner? No it hasn't it snows in the WINTER sometimes though doesn't it?

Once in the court room we are given a long explanation of our responsibilities as jurors etc. But pretty early on they explain that they only need six jurors, and they will start with 1, so being 23 of 24 meant I had virtually no chance of getting selected. Me and miss 24 were just biding our time, hoping against hope to get sent home before we break for lunch. The weird thing is the defendant who is accused of beating his wife, and then interfering with her attempt to call 911 is having to sit there awkwardly through this whole proceeding. And all 24 of us are looking at him trying to size him up. I'm imagining him in a wife beater shirt, and a mullet, drunk and smelling like stale cigarettes.

The attorneys are asking us 'hypothetical' questions about if you can be injured without having a bruise or mark.

At one point the prosecutor asked a hypothetical that sounded ridiculous until the answers started.

The question was 'if I pinched someone, and the state proved beyond a reasonable doubt that I had done it, and the victim testified that I pinched him, and you believed his testimony what would you find?

Objection! That is too similar to the actual case
Overruled

So each potential juror answers;

Guilty
Guilty
Well given what you've described I would have to find guilty
guilty
guilty
not guilty

huh? Why not?

'Well how bad could a pinch hurt?


Oh now I see why they ask a seemingly silly question, because you need to identify who in this group thinks like that. WTF?

I started thinking if attorneys deal with this crap everyday, we can forgive them if they get a bit arrogant. I mean you'd feel superior too, if everyday you dealt with your 'peers' and they were this bad.

It's already 1:15, and were still here, please don't let them take an hour and a half lunch break with us still here.

Thankfully the strike lists were completed and we were sent home by 1:30.

Off the hook for 3 years now woo hoo Mit-ner is free.